Fat Whack Read online

  “I agree, no more games.” The Fat Master took his mask off, revealing the face of a very old Japanese man.

  “Master Takanashi?” Billy cried. “Is that really you under all that fat? There’s no way . . . you died when your dojo burned to . . . Why? How is . . .” A tear rolled down his face.

  “Why would you do this?” Ninja #5 asked. “You were like a father to Chap. You were like a father to us all!”

  “I practically taught you kids for free. You swept my floors and I revealed secrets I had trained my whole life to obtain. Billy, you, and Chap were the worst—you took advantage of me, especially your brother. I taught him generations worth of Takanashi techniques. I practically adopted the two of you, and when it was time for you to return the favor, you took my techniques and made a fortune off of them by starting a ridiculous weight loss company.”

  “You told us to follow our dreams!” Billy yelled. “You even loaned us money! We planned to pay you back for everything. But you stopped answering our calls. We were worried, so we flew out to visit you. That’s when we found out your dojo had burned down with you in it. We even took some of the ashes to spread and held a funeral. As tragic as my brother’s murder was to me, in some crazy way I found comfort in the fact that he died like you. And now I find out that you didn’t die—you killed him? You killed my brother!”

  “And I now use his techniques as a means to obtain that which I want,” the Fat Master explained. “I want to make America fat again. I want to make the whole world as fat as possible. And the fatter it gets, the more power I will have.”

  He pulled a pill out from under a fold of skin. “I had a Dr. Dracula cook up this little baby for me. It took a couple tries, some animal and human testing, but we finally perfected it. You saw the transformation my overweight army went through. That same pill is about to be shipped across the country. A miracle drug that can make you instantly skinny and toned beyond belief. The side effects are minor . . . well, at least the ones written on the side of the bottle. I may have failed to mention that they only give you the ultimate body for an hour. But don’t worry; there is always another dose, until there isn’t. My pills are extremely addictive. People will kill for the few remaining bottles. More importantly, they will pay anything for them. I will provide for the masses, and they will worship at my feet!”

  “You are out of your mind,” Ninja #7 yelled. “We will stop you.”

  The Fat Master swallowed the pill. “You won’t stop me, and I failed to mention one thing. The fatter you are, the stronger you become, and I don’t know if you have noticed . . . but I have gained a little weight.”

  All of a sudden, his body looked as if it were boiling water. Fat folds jiggled like hurricane winds were hitting them. Somehow he stood, rising from his motorized chair. He was tall, like a giant. Loose, dangling skin began to tighten. The skin became solid, hard as brick. Abs formed on top of abs. His shoulders had shoulders and his biceps had biceps. His neck became thick with veins. He was a muscle of a man.

  “Oh my god,” Billy murmured. “It looks like he could deadlift a dump truck.”

  The Fat master lifted a leg as thick as a tree trunk and tried stomping on Ninja #7, but she rolled out of the way just in time. He swatted at Billy with a backhanded slap. Billy flew through the air and landed on a pile of wood. As Ninja #5 looked up at the giant, one thought crossed his mind—Super Shredder.

  I Drew You A Picture Of What Happened

  In a cage on the opposite side of the compound from where Carina was being held, Drew used his finger to draw pictures in the dirt.

  “You know it’s bad when you’ve been locked up for so long that boredom starts to overtake fear,” he said to himself. “Also . . . you’re talking to yourself.”

  The strongest thing Drew felt now was not fear, but worry. Worry for himself, for the kidnapped kids, and worry for Cara. From his current vantage point, he couldn’t see anything going on inside of the place. A wall stood tall a few meters in front of him. However, he could hear, and what he heard was a strange mixture of screams and cheers. He wondered how many people he knew had been captured while checking this place out. There had been a few disappearances back home, a couple runaways maybe, but the Fat Master must have had some other means of snatching up teenagers because this place was full of them.

  He thought about the night he and Cara had walked here in the dark under a canopy of trees. There were lightning bugs in the air. That night had been perfect, until it wasn’t. He was having an adventure with a cool girl, and it felt like he was in a movie. It still felt that way, but the movie had switched from a romantic comedy to a horror film. That night, it had felt like they knew where they were going even though they didn’t, like the woods were whispering the way. He remembered thinking that even if they didn’t find the place, and even if he never saw Cara again, the night would be among the best nights of his life. Then the woods had spit them out into a clearing. There was a big wooden fortress, an obstacle course that almost killed him, and a fat mad man with a thing for ninjas.

  That was how many day ago? He couldn’t remember. But there was a tiny bit of good news—he wasn’t dead, and neither was his friend Sebastian. He and Cara had thought that Sebastian and the other kid on the obstacle course had died, but he had seen them alive in a cage next to his later that day. They were gone now—the ninjas had come for them—but they were alive. This was good news because in Drew’s mind it meant that the teenagers were too precious a commodity to be wasted. This meant that Cara must be alive as well. It was also bad news because what the heck were they doing with them? He had no idea. He was just thankful to be alive himself. After what had happened on the obstacle course the other day, he couldn’t believe he wasn’t as flat as a pancake right now. All he could remember was that after he pushed Cara into that safe zone, he had closed his eyes and tensed, waiting to be squished. He must have been grabbed by a ninja and carried off to safety—well not safety, but out of the path of the boulder. He had found himself kneeling in front of a man the size of a killer whale. There was food everywhere.

  “I am the Fat Master,” the man had said. “You are alive because you may be of some use to me.”

  Then the ninja holding onto Drew yanked him hard off of his knees. Drew looked up towards the sky. As he was being whisked out of the room, he caught a glimpse of Cara descending on a zip line towards him. He tried to yell for her, but a hand covered his mouth. All he had known since those events were prison bars and boredom.

  There was no escaping—he had tried. Now he drew animals in the dirt to pass the time. He was almost finished drawing a hippo, when yelling voices grew loud within the compound. Something was happening, but he couldn’t tell what.

  “Please be the police,” he said to himself. “Please, God, let it be the police.”

  A deer that looked more like a rhino with skeletons growing out of its forehead exploded through the wood logs of the compound’s outer wall, then it turned around and left through the same hole it had made. The fortress seemed to vibrate as if an earthquake was taking place. A large log shook loose and fell straight down towards his cage. Drew jumped to one side and pressed himself up against the bars. For a second time, he barely escaped being flattened as the log crashed into his cell. It bent the bars of the cells roof wide open. He climbed up and out through the bent open bars. His shoes landed on the ground just outside his cell, when at the same time, the wall that had obstructed his vision into the compound fell with a thud. After days of not being able to see what was going on inside this hell hole, he was now able to see it all, and it was incomprehensible. Ninjas were fighting kids that looked like body builders, while monstrous animals tore the fortress walls down around them. A large squirrel with a fluffy tail and daggers sticking out of its mouth scampered past him. He wanted to run for his life, but one thought kept him from doing so—Cara. In the chaos, he moved unnoticed throughout the comp
ound, searching for his friend.

  Weighing Our Options

  The fight was long and brutal. It was brutal mostly for the ninjas. Billy attacked the Fat Master’s lower body with a chain whip, while Ninja #7 attacked his upper body with her sai. She crawled over his massive frame like an insect. He swatted at her like a fly. Billy’s chain whip wrapped around the Fat Master’s legs. Ninja #5 jump-kicked his chest so hard it should have caved in. The behemoth just stood there. He widened his stance, and the chain snapped like twine.

  “That worked about as well as an ‘All employees must wash hands’ sign in a Taco Bell bathroom,” Billy quipped. The words had just left his mouth when the Fat Master borrowed a move from King Kong and jumped onto him, pounding him into the ground with both fists multiple times.

  The power the Fat Master now possessed was unbelievable. His skin proved to be almost impenetrable. With impossible speed, he grabbed Ninja #5 and squeezed. The ninja’s ribs cracked, the sound of which echoed in his own ears. Coming to the rescue, Ninja #7 drove a sai deep into the Fat Master’s eye, so deep that her hand disappeared inside of it. The Fat Master showed his first sign of weakness as he howled in pain and let go of his victim. Ninja #7 tried to pull away, but the Fat Master had blinked his eye shut with the force of a bear trap, and her hand was stuck inside. He reached for her with every intention of ripping her apart. She put both of her feet on his forehead and yanked, freeing herself and jumping to safety with only a second to spare. She landed hard on her back next to Ninja #5, who was lying on the ground, broken. Billy was on his belly, badly injured. He slowly started crawling towards them. The ninjas found the strength to stand up and lean on each other, but that was the extent of their capabilities in their present conditions. The fight had taken its toll, and their wounds were approaching fatal levels.

  A massive foot raced towards them. Ninja #7 was able to pull Ninja #5 out of the way, but Billy fell onto his knees and awaited oblivion.

  “No!” Billy’s friends yelled.

  The killing blow did not come. The Fat Master’s foot was shaking in the air, just above Billy’s head. The Fat Master’s face was wrinkled in confusion and anger. “Let me kill him!” he yelled to no one in particular. It was like something inside of him was fighting against him. He stood as still as a statue, and then all at once his face lost the wrinkles. The foot landed with the force of a meteor strike. He raised his arms above his head and yelled a cry of victory, believing he had squished Billy like an ant, but when he lifted his foot, the ninja was nowhere to be found. He looked around. All three ninjas had vanished.

  A Long Time Ago In A Dojo Far Away

  Part 3

  Master Takanashi walked into his room and shut the door behind him. Sweat dripped from his brow. Classes were getting harder and harder to teach. First, because business was booming. Second, because his sickness was getting worse. The doctors couldn’t help, and he knew the end was near. His energy levels were down, his mind dull, and a constant pain throbbed in his gut. Exhausted from teaching three classes in a row, he now leaned against the closed door of his room. The physical pain was excruciating, and his mental anguish rivaled it. He had made it; he was at the top of his game. His dojo had become so successful that he practically had to turn people away. He did not like turning people away, but ever since his two star students had departed, it was just something he had to do. People from all over wanted to train under the great Master Takanashi, the man who had turned a dump of a building in the middle of nowhere into a place that was voted business of the year. This made him happy, but the thought of what would happen to his family dojo after he was gone worried him.

  With his back still against the door, he slid down and sat on his butt. A few years ago, he had offered to hand the keys of the dojo over to Chap along with the title of master. Chap and Billy were like sons to him, and if Chap was master of the Dojo, it would still be in the family as far as he was concerned. It came as a punch in his already injured gut when Chap turned him down. Instead, Chap had explained that he wanted to move away and start a business of his own. He had been waiting for the right time to tell his master, not wanting to upset him. Takanashi knew then and there that this meant Billy would be leaving as well; the two were inseparable. As much as it would break his heart to see them go, he wanted them to go and live out their dreams. That was why he made the decision not to tell them about his failing health, knowing it would cause them to abandon their dreams and stay to take care of him and the dojo. So he kept his mouth shut, except to tell them how proud he was of them and how much he would miss them. Then he opened up his wallet, gave them a generous amount of money, and told them to go change the world.

  The years had passed by quickly. Now he sat on the floor with his back against the door, and he wept. They were tears of sadness, mixed with something else. He had just taught his last class. He had decided that the doors of his dojo would close forever tonight, and that was sad, but some things in life are more important than tradition. Tomorrow, he would travel to Alabama and spend his last days left on this earth in the presence of his family. Their weight loss company was still in its infancy, but he would like to help them in any way he could. He used his t-shirt to wipe his eyes, and when his vision returned, a familiar-looking apparition was floating just above his head.

  “Great class tonight, as always,” the specter said.

  “Thanks,” Takanashi replied. “It was my last.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I’m dying. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I want to spend my final days with my boys.”

  The ghost had no face, but somehow it looked mad. “What about your family’s legacy?” it asked.

  “The legacy had to end sometime. I will be the one to fall on the sword.”

  The ghost started swirling around the room. Takanashi watched with a confused look. The ghost had never done anything like this before. It stopped spinning in front of a wall of framed photos.

  “I’ve never asked before,” the ghost said, “but these photos . . . they are pictures of your ancestors, are they not?”

  “Yes. That one right in front of you is of my grandfather, Hiro Takanashi.”

  The apparition slowly turned around. What Master Takanashi saw rocked his world. The ghost now had a face, and it looked exactly like his grandfather. “Stop that. It is disrespectful.”

  “Aiko, it’s me.”

  Master Takanashi jumped to his feet. No one had used his real name for years. “How do you know that name?”

  “Because I am your grandfather, my little Aiko. Have I not always called you that? And have I not always been kind to you? I’ve been trying to guide you, help you.”

  “No, I don’t believe you,” Takanashi said.

  “You must not give up on this dojo, Aiko. It is my unfinished business.”

  “What? I have no choice. I’m dying, and I have no heirs. Chap and Billy left, so I’m sorry, but it’s over.”

  “I’m sorry those boys let you down.”

  “They didn’t—”

  “But it doesn’t have to be over,” the ghost interrupted. “I can help.”

  “First,” the Master chided, “the boys did not let me down. Second, help me how?”

  “Let me live inside you.”

  “What? Like possess me?” Takanashi asked. “No way! You can go ahead and float away now.”

  “Listen, with me inside you, you will not die, at least not of sickness or of old age. You could live long enough to find someone new to run the dojo. Heck, you could live long enough to fall in love again, have another kid of your own. Imagine that—a true blood heir to take over for you.”

  “I don’t want to fall in love again,” the master spit out, “not after what happened. But . . . I do feel like I have more to do in this life.”

  The ghost just floated silently, letting him think it over.

  �
�Let’s say I believe you,” Takanashi said. “Say you are the ghost of my grandfather. And let’s say I agree to let you live inside me. How do I get you back out when I’m ready to die? I don’t want to live forever; I just want to make sure my house is in order before I go. Do you understand?”

  “Listen,” the ghost answered, “I swear, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll leave. I’m only here to help you, Aiko.”

  “Will I still have control of my body?”

  “Of course you will! I will only be along for the ride. I’ll be able to make suggestions to you, but you can always ignore me if you wish.”

  Master Takanashi took the picture of his grandfather off the wall. He sat on his bed and looked at it intently. Time passed as he contemplated the offer. “I don’t really believe you,” he said while still looking at the picture. “But, you swear you’ll leave if I ask . . .”

  “I swear.”

  “And you can heal me of my sickness?”

  “I can. Well, you won’t be healed exactly, but as long as I’m in you, you won’t die from it.”

  Master Takanashi let out a long sigh and then said, “Let’s do this.”

  “You agree to let me in?”

  “I do,” Master Takanashi confirmed.

  The ghost disappeared for a moment. The Master sat on his bed, confused. Then the apparition reappeared with a dozen others. They swirled around the room in circles.

  “What is this?” Takanashi yelled over the sound of rushing wind. “What’s going on? This is ridiculous, I take ba—”

  He was about to withdraw his permission, rescind his invitation, but before he could, every specter combined into one demonic force and funneled into his mouth. He fell backwards onto his mattress. The picture frame fell from his hands, its glass shattering when it hit the floor. Every picture hanging on the walls did the same. Glass covered the floor. When he arose from his bed, he was no longer Aiko Takanashi. The entity inside the master’s body walked over the shattered glass and left the dojo forever, but not before setting a fire that would burn more than just the dojo to the ground.